Books And Their Covers
by ProLazy
Summary: Castiel is scared about telling Dean that he/she is Genderfluid. Castiel really wants to be with Dean, but Dean's initial reaction is not re-assuring. (Full Prompt Inside.)
**Prompt:** So Dean works at this bookstore and Cas comes into it all the time because he loves books but also secretly thinks that Dean is super cute. But Cas is genderfluid and isn't sure how Dean is going to react to this so he's never come into the store dressed femininely. One day they comes in dressed in a pretty blue dress and has make up on their face and Dean thinks they look absolutely stunning but he also finds it to be uh arousing? And he acts really standoffish cause he doesn't wanna upset Cas and make them feel like he's coming on to them so he hurries and runs into the back and Cas thinks that Deans uncomfortable because they're genderfluid. So he's really upset and leaves but decided that if Dean can't accept him then that's Deans problem so he tries to come back after a while and act natural but has a hard time cause it still hurts.

 **A/N:** Okay, lovelies, this was quite a tough one to tackle as I've never tried writing something of this nature before. It's really important to me that If I have misinterpreted something about genderfluidity that you please tell me so that I can change it. The last thing I want to do is cause any offence or harm.

* * *

The bookshop which Dean worked at resembled that of a grand old library in a fantasy novel. It was several floors high and the shelves stretched from top to bottom. They were filled with every book imaginable, and the bounty of knowledge and enjoyment that they provided was limitless.

Dean loved his job. At school people had always thought he was more of the brawn type due to his athletic physique, but no matter how many different sports teams asked him to try outs Dean refused as he would much rather be in the library studying Latin or reading about mythical lore. He liked to think that he had hidden depths to himself that people didn't often see.

He was therefore thrilled when he met Castiel. Castiel was a young man about Dean's own age who - starting from around a year ago - came into the store almost every day. He was as passionate about reading as Dean was and the pair had instantly bonded.

Dean thought that Castiel was very sweet; his innocent blue eyes and ruffled hair couldn't make anyone think anything. His personality was equally as endearing; he could sometimes be quite shy and awkward, but he would happily get into debate and show off his intelligence.

Dean just wished that he could gather the nerve to ask him on a date. He knew Castiel liked men -as did he - but Dean didn't want to risk ruining the relationship they already had. The thought of losing Castiel from his life was not a comprehensible one.

One morning Dean was on a stepladder putting some books up on a high shelf when a familiar voice called up to him.

"Hello, Dean."

Dean looked down with an excited grin.

"Hey, Cas!"

He put his feet on either side of the ladder and slid down.

Castiel gasped when he landed safely on the floor.

"You know I don't like it when you do that!" The smaller man scolded. "It's dangerous."

"Don't worry about me" Dean said with a smirk as he flicked his hand dismissively. "I've had plenty of practise."

"I will worry about you and you can't stop me" Castiel retaliated.

"C'mere, Assbutt" Dean teased as he pulled the smaller man into a tight hug. He felt Castiel sink into him. "Hey, I reserved some new books we just got in about Angel lore! I thought you'd like them."

"Yes, that sounds wonderful" Castiel said eagerly.

"Good, 'cause I don't do such considerate things for just anyone, you know" Dean said with a wink.

He politely ignored the fact that Castiel had started blushing.

Dean gripped Castiel's hand and took him to the pay desk.

He went around the back and picked up three leather bound books and put them on the counter in front of Castiel.

Castiel picked one up and started flicking through.

"Wow, I can't wait to get started on these."

"I think I might even be able to swing you a discount" Dean said as he leaned on the counter and crossed his arm.

"You're so kind, Dean" Castiel said meekly as he bowed his head held the book to his chest.

Dean missed the slightly sad tone to the smaller man's expression.

"Well, you're my friend" Dean replied as if it were obvious.

"Yes" Castiel said with a slight sigh. "Thank you" he said offering Dean what appeared to be a genuine smile.

"Don't mention it" Dean said.

Castiel's watch suddenly started beeping, causing both men to jump.

"Oh, I have to go to a class" Castiel said as he read the time. Dean frowned; he had almost sounded relieved at the excuse to leave. "Can I come back for the books later?"

"Sure" Dean replied. "I'll guard them for you."

"Thank you, Dean."

The pair shared their goodbyes and Castiel left.

As he walked down the street Castiel had to try and bite back his shaky breathe as he wiped away the tears stinging in the corners of his eyes.

His love of literature wasn't the only thing that compelled him to visit the bookstore so much. He really liked spending time with Dean. Castiel didn't have any friends at university; they all thought he was a freak, but Dean treated him like a person, made Castiel feel like he was wanted and that he enjoyed Castiel's company.

But then again, Dean didn't really know everything about Castiel. There was one huge aspect of Castiel's life that he was too scared to tell Dean about. He really wanted to be more than friends with, but he feared that if Dean found out he would reject Castiel just as everyone else had.

Perhaps he was being too harsh. Dean seemed like an open minded person, well read and understanding. He had trusted Castiel with his personal hardships, such as his father's ill-treatment of him; surely Castiel could offer Dean the same faith with his own reality.

Castiel nodded firmly and confidently to himself.

It was time he let Dean know.

* * *

The afternoon had been rather slow for Dean, so he had been sat behind the counter looking through the Angel books for himself.

He looked up when the bell above the door rang.

His eyes widened.

A beautiful girl walked. She was wearing a perfectly fitted blue summer dress and make up which highlighted her wonderful soft features.

As she walked closer an unexpected realisation dawned on Dean.

"Castiel?" he breathed.

"Hello, Dean" she said with an extremely nervous smile.

Dean hoped he didn't look like he was gawking. He would admit that he was shocked at the sudden change of appearance, but Castiel was stunning. Dean felt a sudden rush of heat run through him.

"You look, um...different?"

"I know" Castiel said. "I should have told you before but...as you can now see...my gender is fluid."

"Yes...well, I-"

Dean didn't know what to say. He wasn't very familiar with this particular type of identity. What if he said something that upset Castiel? That was the last thing he wanted. He really didn't think he should say anything until he had read up about it. What types of questions was he okay to ask? He didn't want his ignorance to cause offence.

It didn't change anything though. He was still as attracted to Castiel as ever. But what if she thought the only reason was because of her feminine identify since Dean hadn't said anything before?

Dean needed some space to think.

"Dean? I understand this is a lot to take in-"

"No, it's fine!" Dean blurted out. "I mean, um...I'm sorry but we just got a new order in so I really should go into the back and sort it out, but you should come by at closing, maybe?"

"O-oh" Castiel said, trying but failing to keep the crack out of her voice. "I-I'll, um, I'll just go then."

"Okay, see you later" Dean said before hurrying off to the back of the store.

Castiel practically ran outside before she had a complete breakdown. She really thought that Dean would be different, but it was like she was destined to be alone.

She started the suddenly long walk home sobbing quietly to herself.

* * *

Castiel sighed deeply as he stood outside the door of the bookstore.

It was a week after he had told Dean about his fluidity, and this was the first day that he had dared to return.

The first few days afterwards he had spent curled up on his bed weeping and trying to accept the fact that Dean probably wouldn't want to be his friend anymore, let alone become something more.

After that, though, Castiel had started to get a little frustrated. If Dean could accept him for who he was then that was Dean's problem. Castiel wasn't going to stop going to the store because it was a place of peace and sanctuary for him.

He did still want to be friends with Dean though; it would probably just take some time.

Castiel took a deep breath before he walked into the store.

Dean was nowhere in sight.

Castiel grabbed a few books from the history section before going to sit at a table in the corner of the store.

He looked up when he heard someone else coming.

Dean appeared from around the corner carrying a pile of books. His eyes widened slightly when he saw Castiel.

"Hello, Dean" Castiel tried to give his usual greeting, but it was hard. He was still hurt from last week's events.

"Hey, Cas" Dean said quietly; it almost sounded like he was ashamed. He came forward and put down the books he was holding. "Can I talk to you?"

"Of course" Castiel said a little reluctantly. As Dean took a seat next to him he waited for the mockery to begin.

"First, I want to apologise for being a jerk and running off the other day. I know how it must have looked."

"It's okay" Castiel shrugged. "I've had much worse reactions."

Dean looked sadden by this.

"Well, I am really sorry. The truth is... I like you, Castiel. I mean I _really_ like you."

"Right, you like me when I'm male" Castiel said bowing his head.

"No" Dean said as he put his hands on Castiel's shoulders. The smaller man looked up at him. "I like _you_ " Dean stressed. "The reason I freaked out was because I didn't want to say something that would accidentally hurt you...I guess that majorly backfired. But if you can forgive me the I want to be with you."'

Castiel's eyes widened with surprise. He tried to sense any insincerity in Dean's own gaze, but the other man seemed entirely genuine.

"Are you sure?"

"More sure than I've been about anything before" Dean replied firmly. "I want you to educate me, Cas. This isn't something I should be ignorant about. I figured rather than me asking questions it would be better for you to just tell me what you think I should know. I just want to do whatever I can to make you feel comfortable and safe."

Castiel flung his arms around Dean's neck, tears leaking down his face.

"Thank you, Dean" he whimpered. "I do forgive you."

"Then I should be thanking you, Cas" Dean said as he squeezed his eyes shut to try and prevent his own onslaught of emotion. "I couldn't bear the thought of losing you, and don't ever want you to feel like you have to hide around me again."

Castiel nodded into his shoulder.

They remained just clinging to each for a while until Castiel pulled away and gave Dean a small smile.

"So...you do want to be my boyfriend?"

"Of course I do" Dean said with a wide smile.

"I'll be your boyfriend and girlfriend" Castiel told him. "I have preferred pronouns depending on which gender I present as that day. Today is male pronouns, but my name is just Castiel..."

Dean listened intently to everything Castiel had to say. He didn't interrupt at all and waited until Castiel was finished before making his next move.

"Thank you for explaining to me" Dean said as he took Castiel's hands in his.

"It's okay, thank you for understanding" Castiel replied.

Dean smiled as he raised Castiel's hands to his lips and kissed them softly.

"So, where do you want to go for our first date?" He asked excitedly.

"I like it right here" Castiel replied.

For the first time in his life he felt confident to lean in and administer the first kiss on the lips.

Dean instantly sunk into it, and they stayed locked together for what felt like hours.


End file.
